About me

I Can’t Compute.

Sometimes it’s a joke. Sometimes it’s a diagnosis.
For me, it’s both. Quiet humor for loud brains.

I started saying “I can’t compute” out loud on the days my brain just… wouldn’t. Too many tabs open. Too much noise. Not enough RAM. If you know, you know.

At some point I did the most reasonable thing a slightly overwhelmed human can do:
I bought the domain and built a store around it.
Because apparently that’s what we do instead of meditating.

This is a one-man operation.

No team. No agency. No “founder story” written by someone in a turtleneck.

Just me, building a tiny store because I wanted clothing that actually feels like it was made for people like us: developers, gamers, neurospicy brains, burnt-out brains, and anyone running 37 background processes and pretending everything is fine.

Why hoodies?

Because hoodies are the universal “leave me alone, I’m doing my best” uniform.
Comfort. Simple designs. Quiet humor. No cringe.

How it works

Worldwide shipping (live rates at checkout).

Printed on demand — made when you order.

If something arrives damaged or wrong, I’ll make it right.

Returns: If the size doesn’t work, contact me — I’ll help you sort it out.

Everything is printed on demand — meaning each hoodie is made when you order.
It’s slower than mass production, but it avoids waste and lets this stay a small, honest operation.

If you’re here…

Thanks. Seriously.
If you buy something, you’re not just getting a hoodie — you’re supporting a real person.

And if you’re having one of those days:
You’re not broken. You’re just buffering.

— Tor
Founder, customer support, and the entire “team” behind I Can’t Compute

PS: I’m not a brand. I’m a guy with a store and a stubborn refusal to quit.